So Good, It Should Be Illegal

Some things in life are just unfair. It's a fact of life. We are not born equal. Think about it for a second, and tell me you don't know some people who were born with natural advantages.

Sometimes, it can be hereditary. Some people are just born with a body that facilitates extraordinary feats. This is especially evident when looking at athletes. Having a physical advantage in sports doesn't always lead to victory, but you can't tell me that having the right genetic make up does naturally predispose some players to success. Just look at all those 7 foot guys who get thrown on your college basketball team. They might not be fast or skilled enough to make it in the big leagues. Or they might not be solid enough to play out a full season (ask Patrick Ewing how hard it can be on your knees when you're that big). But guess what? That kid just got a scholarship to come and get his degree for free, and you didn't simply because you weren't tall enough.

Besides, tell me you haven't said to yourself at least one time, "Well I could dunk too if I was that tall!"

Other times, it's just being in the right social situation. It's obvious that people born into higher class families will usually lead more successful lives. Having education, health care and guidance available at all times helps to maximize your opportunities, not to mention how impactful it can be for a child's development to have stable living conditions. Again, this doesn't guarantee success. We all know that one rich douche out there that manages to flaunt the fact that he is super well off without having worked for any of it. He probably wound up running some lower tier car parts store somewhere. At the same time, we were also here to see the whole George W. Bush thing and how coming from a successful family worked out for him.

As unfair as it might be that some things out there just have that natural advantage, this section is more to highlight all those wonderful things in the world available to all of us that exemplify this quality. This might be a semi-regular posting, so I feel the first one needed to be kicked off with a bang! With that in mind, I submit to you....

ZAXBY'S: SO GOOD, IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL!

Where do I begin!? First of all, if you happen to live in some sad, repressed part of the world where you can't indulge in the wonder that is Zaxby's chicken, I weep for your soul. The best bet is to pack your bags (now) and jump on a plane, train, boat, goat, or any other Seuss-ish vehicle and get your ass to one ASAP. If you aren't sure where to look, I would head to the area around Tallahassee, Florida. I went a few months ago with my father for a football game at his alma mater FSU and counted five different Zaxby's locations within the 20 minutes before we found our hotel. They are crawling with them down there.

So what kind of chicken do you want? Chances are, they got it. 

Chicken Fingers? Check. 

Wings? Check. 

Chicken salad? Check.

Chicken sandwich? Check.

BONELESS WINGS? SUPERCHECK.

But that is just your main entree. You get some variety, as delectable sides like texas toast and fried white cheddar bites are available as sides along with your standards like fries, slaw and onion rings. The best part of this is the dipping sauces, most notable the aptly named Zax sauce. It's on the tangy side of indescribably good, and it makes every single french fry and celery stick taste like sex. As a side note, I do also approve of their use of crushed ice in drinks. Firehouse does that too, and it doesn't matter THAT much but I still am a fan.

To this day, Zaxby's is usually used as a comfort food on those days when I need a real pick me up. In all honesty, I can't recall a time ever when Zaxby's was spoken of negatively by anyone. The only bad feelings that should be associated with that magical place is how bad it must feel not to have one nearby. I hope to never have to eat another human being, but I swear if I ever do... Zax sauce is a must. That may or may not be true, since it would also be acceptable to use Groucho's 45 sauce. But this is a guarantee: full stomach by the end of the ride, every time. 

Zax Sauce: Making cannibalism a lot tastier

Few things in life get to be as good as Zaxby's is. Sorry Chick-fil-a, Popeyes and KFC